This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about The personal journey of Weaning. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
________________________________________________________________________________ Were you breastfed as a child? What obstacles did your mother face? What was the public opinions? Family opinion? Factors for not breastfeeding, if this was the case? What was the medical opinion at the time? How long was “normal?” Did your mother or grandmother influence you to breastfeed your own child/ren?
For this post, I asked my mom to share what nursing me looked like in 1981, where we would both begin and end our nursing relationship. . .
"Probably the biggest challenge was only being able to take up to six months off from my job for maternity leave. I took a couple of weeks off before and then you were three weeks late, which meant in order to have my job guaranteed to me, I had to go back to work when you were 4 and a half months old. That was a bit sad, but we depended on my income. I'd really wanted to be able to breastfeed until you were six months...which was recommended by my pediatrician at the time. I continued to nurse you to sleep for a bit longer, until you were about 6 months; not during the night because by then you were sleeping through out the night. I don't remember feeling embarrassed or as though I needed to leave the room if I needed to nurse. I would just drape a receiving blanket over my shoulder...likely one of the ones you used for your little ones. Things were quite a bit different then, meaning we didn't spend as much time out and about, having coffee with friends, or eating out. Those were pretty rare occasions. We gathered more often in people's homes. I had friends who also nursed, so our husbands and families were pretty comfortable. I don't remember any specific influence from my mom to breastfeed (either negative or positive), and neither of my grandmother's were living at the time. I remember going to my parents house and again, when I need to breastfeed I just did."
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Weaning the Wii-ones
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about The personal journey of Weaning. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
________________________________________________________________________________
The journey of breastfeeding that has gone down this winding path, was not one I ever thought I would be taking, certainly not one I purposed or intended for. I've told my story more than once. . .
Before I was ever a mother, I thought I would nurse a baby for six months, move to formula and bottles, move her out of my room, never share a bed with said baby. . .blah blah blah. Instead, I nursed my first child beyond her fourth birthday (we'll leave it at that), sleep with her every single night, to date (she turned six last month), tandem nursed and am now nursing a second toddler. Because I wrote this posts in the past, when I was feeling the feelings much more intensely, particularly as the time of weaning was heavy upon us the first time I wrote about it. . .I will leave this post alone then add my recent experience at the bottom. . . written in August 2010, when my first daughter was just past her 4th birthday and my second was about to turn 1:
It's been a journey, I can say that much. But I realized early on, that I was not going to have a child who easily gave up nursing. And that I was not a mom who was up for regimented scheduling, for the possible tears, and for deciding to, in many ways, push her when she was as yet, unready. And so, as time has gone on, I've become less willing to nurse her in public, except for in front of a few "safe" friends. And I've surrounded myself with a community of women and friends who support the relationship that my daughter and I have, even the part that includes continuing to nurse well beyond what is accepted as "the norm." I don't think my husband has been resistant to continuing to nurse, though I know he's had his questions, his doubts, but ultimately he and I have decided together to let our daughter lead us through the process of weaning.
This post will be thoughtful, but I know what most people want to know is. . .doesn't it make your kid (or you) WEIRD to breastfeed "too long?" I don't know. . .she LOOKS pretty normal to me. . . and I think she'd be weird either way. . I mean, she has ME as a mother ;)
I really thought it would happen while I was pregnant. She turned 3 during my pregnancy, surely she was old enough to realize there was no milk and only needed it for the sake of "tradition" at that point, and would eventually just give it up right? NOPE! I was fine with that. I NEVER EVER in a million years thought I'd be nursing two kiddos at one time, but here I was. . . this journey was just leading me to places I never dreamed of. But in so many ways the transition into BIG Sisterhood was made easier by those late nights of nursing together, holding hands, knowing that mommy had enough love (and milk) for both of them. I thought it would happen soon after little sister came. . . again. . .NOPE. . .
Her need is deeper. And through child lead weaning I have learned SO much about my first daughter. As she approached 18 months, I found myself reading "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and loving every word. I loved, particularly, the section that spoke to my heart, about not forcing dependence. A child who KNOWS(and I'm paraphrasing here) that mom (or dad or both) is a safe place, will gain independence, knowing that there is someone she can always return to whom she trusts. But forcing an unready child out into the world without that emotional stability leads to a lot of unstable and confused, co-dependent grown-ups.
Some moms don't have kids like this. Some kids ARE ready to wean, stay with a baby-sitters, go to school. Mine was not. She was nearly 3 years old when she finally allowed me to leave her in bible class BY HERSELF on Sunday mornings (a whole 45 minutes of separation). . . with kids she'd been in bible classes with since the age of 9 months, with teachers she'd been with for a year! I think through breastfeeding, I have become so much more able to understand my child's needs and to let her know that I trust that she knows who she is. . . I am not making her who I want her to be, I am letting her show me who she is. I have learned acceptance, patience, trust.
We had a lot of discussions about her weaning up until her recent birthday and she was on board, after she celebrated her birthday, she would be big enough. Okay. . . maybe after her party 6 days later. . . "When I'm as big as you mommy". . . so I just rode it out. . . and I started to feel that it was just part of the nightly ritual, but I suppose I was downplaying that a bit. I always have called her my "child of ritual" so perhaps the ritual was not JUST ritual, it's part of who she is, she NEEDS that constant in her life. Then one night, after all of the other nightly rituals she sat up in bed, looked at me (in the dark) and said "I don't need milkies, because I'm 4!"
And then two weeks later she asked to nurse again. . .and something that a friend recently said stuck with me. . . something about weaning not being a "hard and fast" rule. . . so we nursed for our usual round of "twinkle twinkle little star." (And I'd like to interject here that basically for several months she has nursed ONE time/day at bedtime for the duration of TWINKLE TWINLKE LITTLE STAR. . .nursing a child of her age takes about 12 seconds of my day). . . And the next day we talked about "no more milkies" again. . . it's been another week or so, we've had a random request here and there, but last week we had a little bit of a more prolonged session, NOT at bedtime, and then the requests stopped. At the same time little sis started taking longer naps, and allowing me to put her down during these naps, so my time with big sis is more free, we can play a game, cuddle, read a book. . . I've had to remember to replace those TWELVE bedtime seconds, with a half hour of focused attention during the day.
I DID NOT EVER EVER EVER plan on this being my journey! I feel secure in the knowledge base I have regarding breastfeeding, that this choice is a fine choice and that it was the right one for us. I have helped my daughter feel secure, loved, allowed her rituals, and am helping to shape her INdependence. She knows who she is, at four years old, I believe she knows and trusts herself more than most adults learn to trust their own instincts, thoughts, feelings, etc, in a lifetime. I want to nurture that. I want her to believe that I trust her, that I listen to her, that I accept her.
And I wonder where the journey will take us from here. . . both with my oldest daughter, now weaned (or so it seems) and my youngest daughter and I having a one-on-one nursing relationship, which may last just as long, or may end earlier than I'd like. . . . but I know that through it all, I want my daughters to believe that I "hear" them through their nursing needs.
2012 Update. . .I can now say that at the time, my oldest daughter was not fully weaned. . .I thought she was, we'd lead up to it peacefully and thoughtfully, talked about it, planned for it. . and two days after her 4th birthday, she got her first ear infection of her life. . .so obviously, that "hard and fast" went out the window as she nursed and then cried that "it was broken" (she was in so much pain she really just couldn't latch properly). After this it was a more drawn out process that sometimes took me by surprise. After months of not nursing, requesting to once again, one night even suddenly and slowly escalating from sadness and lament to tears and full scale crying because she was so sad that nursing was behind her, so I let her nurse. Moments of illness would bring it on. . .one of those little leftover indicators. . .one time she asked to nurse after months of not having asked, and the next day fell ill. . .I should have known. Nursing has given me a deeper understanding of my children.
As I said, I am now nursing my second toddler, my first COMPLETELY weaned in such a gentle and comfortable way for all of us. And my expectations are just so different. Each stage of her life she seems so much younger and littler than my first child did at the same age. . .certainly, their personalities and approaches to the world are different, which lend to this feeling, but I believe it's just because with a first child, every new turn is a turn you are making for the very first time and it seems so much bigger than the turn you made before. With a second child the road has been mapped and paved, you can look back and see how small that first child really was in each situation. I have let go of expectation. . . I am not worried about the perception of others. . I have become comfortable in my own mothering skin. And I know now that child-lead weaning is the choice for us. . . .this child is altogether different than my first, except for her distinct love for "moties" aka "milkies" . . .this is one truth that is unshakable in this family :) At nearly 3, I sometimes wonder when she will begin to wean, her attachment to me being vastly different (and oh so much more intense) than the one her sister had at this age. . .but I know that it will be right for us when it begins and we will both work to be ready together.
In case you're wondering. . .there is absolutely NOTHING normal about this child :) It's to be expected!
________________________________________________________________________________
The journey of breastfeeding that has gone down this winding path, was not one I ever thought I would be taking, certainly not one I purposed or intended for. I've told my story more than once. . .
Before I was ever a mother, I thought I would nurse a baby for six months, move to formula and bottles, move her out of my room, never share a bed with said baby. . .blah blah blah. Instead, I nursed my first child beyond her fourth birthday (we'll leave it at that), sleep with her every single night, to date (she turned six last month), tandem nursed and am now nursing a second toddler. Because I wrote this posts in the past, when I was feeling the feelings much more intensely, particularly as the time of weaning was heavy upon us the first time I wrote about it. . .I will leave this post alone then add my recent experience at the bottom. . . written in August 2010, when my first daughter was just past her 4th birthday and my second was about to turn 1:
It's been a journey, I can say that much. But I realized early on, that I was not going to have a child who easily gave up nursing. And that I was not a mom who was up for regimented scheduling, for the possible tears, and for deciding to, in many ways, push her when she was as yet, unready. And so, as time has gone on, I've become less willing to nurse her in public, except for in front of a few "safe" friends. And I've surrounded myself with a community of women and friends who support the relationship that my daughter and I have, even the part that includes continuing to nurse well beyond what is accepted as "the norm." I don't think my husband has been resistant to continuing to nurse, though I know he's had his questions, his doubts, but ultimately he and I have decided together to let our daughter lead us through the process of weaning.
This post will be thoughtful, but I know what most people want to know is. . .doesn't it make your kid (or you) WEIRD to breastfeed "too long?" I don't know. . .she LOOKS pretty normal to me. . . and I think she'd be weird either way. . I mean, she has ME as a mother ;)
I really thought it would happen while I was pregnant. She turned 3 during my pregnancy, surely she was old enough to realize there was no milk and only needed it for the sake of "tradition" at that point, and would eventually just give it up right? NOPE! I was fine with that. I NEVER EVER in a million years thought I'd be nursing two kiddos at one time, but here I was. . . this journey was just leading me to places I never dreamed of. But in so many ways the transition into BIG Sisterhood was made easier by those late nights of nursing together, holding hands, knowing that mommy had enough love (and milk) for both of them. I thought it would happen soon after little sister came. . . again. . .NOPE. . .Her need is deeper. And through child lead weaning I have learned SO much about my first daughter. As she approached 18 months, I found myself reading "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and loving every word. I loved, particularly, the section that spoke to my heart, about not forcing dependence. A child who KNOWS(and I'm paraphrasing here) that mom (or dad or both) is a safe place, will gain independence, knowing that there is someone she can always return to whom she trusts. But forcing an unready child out into the world without that emotional stability leads to a lot of unstable and confused, co-dependent grown-ups.
Some moms don't have kids like this. Some kids ARE ready to wean, stay with a baby-sitters, go to school. Mine was not. She was nearly 3 years old when she finally allowed me to leave her in bible class BY HERSELF on Sunday mornings (a whole 45 minutes of separation). . . with kids she'd been in bible classes with since the age of 9 months, with teachers she'd been with for a year! I think through breastfeeding, I have become so much more able to understand my child's needs and to let her know that I trust that she knows who she is. . . I am not making her who I want her to be, I am letting her show me who she is. I have learned acceptance, patience, trust.
We had a lot of discussions about her weaning up until her recent birthday and she was on board, after she celebrated her birthday, she would be big enough. Okay. . . maybe after her party 6 days later. . . "When I'm as big as you mommy". . . so I just rode it out. . . and I started to feel that it was just part of the nightly ritual, but I suppose I was downplaying that a bit. I always have called her my "child of ritual" so perhaps the ritual was not JUST ritual, it's part of who she is, she NEEDS that constant in her life. Then one night, after all of the other nightly rituals she sat up in bed, looked at me (in the dark) and said "I don't need milkies, because I'm 4!"
And then two weeks later she asked to nurse again. . .and something that a friend recently said stuck with me. . . something about weaning not being a "hard and fast" rule. . . so we nursed for our usual round of "twinkle twinkle little star." (And I'd like to interject here that basically for several months she has nursed ONE time/day at bedtime for the duration of TWINKLE TWINLKE LITTLE STAR. . .nursing a child of her age takes about 12 seconds of my day). . . And the next day we talked about "no more milkies" again. . . it's been another week or so, we've had a random request here and there, but last week we had a little bit of a more prolonged session, NOT at bedtime, and then the requests stopped. At the same time little sis started taking longer naps, and allowing me to put her down during these naps, so my time with big sis is more free, we can play a game, cuddle, read a book. . . I've had to remember to replace those TWELVE bedtime seconds, with a half hour of focused attention during the day.
I DID NOT EVER EVER EVER plan on this being my journey! I feel secure in the knowledge base I have regarding breastfeeding, that this choice is a fine choice and that it was the right one for us. I have helped my daughter feel secure, loved, allowed her rituals, and am helping to shape her INdependence. She knows who she is, at four years old, I believe she knows and trusts herself more than most adults learn to trust their own instincts, thoughts, feelings, etc, in a lifetime. I want to nurture that. I want her to believe that I trust her, that I listen to her, that I accept her.
And I wonder where the journey will take us from here. . . both with my oldest daughter, now weaned (or so it seems) and my youngest daughter and I having a one-on-one nursing relationship, which may last just as long, or may end earlier than I'd like. . . . but I know that through it all, I want my daughters to believe that I "hear" them through their nursing needs.
2012 Update. . .I can now say that at the time, my oldest daughter was not fully weaned. . .I thought she was, we'd lead up to it peacefully and thoughtfully, talked about it, planned for it. . and two days after her 4th birthday, she got her first ear infection of her life. . .so obviously, that "hard and fast" went out the window as she nursed and then cried that "it was broken" (she was in so much pain she really just couldn't latch properly). After this it was a more drawn out process that sometimes took me by surprise. After months of not nursing, requesting to once again, one night even suddenly and slowly escalating from sadness and lament to tears and full scale crying because she was so sad that nursing was behind her, so I let her nurse. Moments of illness would bring it on. . .one of those little leftover indicators. . .one time she asked to nurse after months of not having asked, and the next day fell ill. . .I should have known. Nursing has given me a deeper understanding of my children.
In case you're wondering. . .there is absolutely NOTHING normal about this child :) It's to be expected!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Night Time Parenting
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Night Time Parenting. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
________________________________________________________________________________ Night Time parenting is a big part of breastfeeding, especially in the early months (and continuing for years sometimes). What does sleep look like in your family? Did you have a similar sleeping arrangement with your own parents? What were your feelings surrounding safety and security at night while growing up? Were there people in your life who encouraged you to choose your sleeping arrangement?
Night Time parenting? What's that? I hadn't heard of such a thing. . . My plan was perfect and water tight. Nurse this baby until six months old, then she'd move out and get her own apartment, right?! I had intended to nurse my first daughter until the age of six months, and then "supplements" which in my mind, read "formula." This is the way I'd learned it and this was the way it should go. And never nurse a baby to sleep, because then she would associate eating with falling asleep. . .agreed? Agreed! And then said child ONLY falls asleep while nursing
And she nurses three times in the middle of the night. She sleeps in a beautifully handcrafted cradle, by your bedside, two feet away and within earshot and arm's reach. . .but sometimes you're so exhausted you wake up with her asleep on your chest, or you wake up and she's no where to be found and you don't remember getting up and putting her back in her cradle. Every time she eats in the middle of the night, she poops, so you have to change her, and she spits up and you leak so everything is wet. . .oh and she also likes to be burped, even if breastfed babies don't NEED to be burped. . .so you wake her dad up, because if you've been awake for fifteen minutes feeding her, you sure as heck don't want to now have to get up and bounce around. . . And then this little wonder, every dang time she changes and grows, she wants to nurse every thirty minutes, all night long. . .so you move her into your bed, just for a few nights. . .and then you're afraid of another night of waking every 30 minutes, and how you desperately want that sleep, so you leave her there just a few more nights to seal the deal. . .then you move her back to her sweet little cradle. . .where she sleeps well and seems back on her "schedule" again (even if that schedule is new and improved these days). . .but two weeks later, you'll be darned if that kid isn't trying to grow and change developmentally again, so it starts AGAIN. . .and when you haven't slept in three nights, three nights feels like YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
So, back in with you she goes, until she can get her ducks in a row and totally master that whole "grasping things" thing that she's trying to work out in her mind and body at 2 months old. . . when the dust has cleared, back over in the cradle for . . . you know, another two weeks until she repeats it all over again and and again and again! And as that baby grows fat on her mama's milk, that mama realizes she doesn't feel ready to stop the nursing, nor does she feel ready to move that baby to another room. . .because that mama is about nine THOUSAND percent sure that there's no way this baby girl will go from her current night time waking schedule to sleeping straight through night after night, overnight. . .and this mama is about a MILLION percent sure that she is in NO way desiring to have to traverse hallways to get to that baby who is now only living two feet away in the night. . .
Then this little family makes a move over a big ocean, from a tropical home to a freezing mid-December, high desert waist land home. . . and that little baby, she willingly sleeps in a portable crib for several of her naps and even night times, when the bed is too high off the ground and too small for all three of them. . .but when she sleeps the first night in her freezing new home, there's no WAY that kids gonna let you lower her down into a space where she has to sleep separate from her mommy and daddy. . .and so she moves back in. . .and she stays. . . for FIVE AND A HALF MORE YEARS. . .and counting. There are years, yes, years, where she nurses a couple of times in the night, and EVERY an ANY time her mama wakes to pee, she wakes to nurse too.
Then her mama's belly grows and the milk slowly goes and she stops waking for ANYTHING in the middle of the night. Her daddy gets a job where he wakes at 1am, and her mama is a night owl, so she just stays up and the girls head to bed when the papa wakes his sleepy head. In the meantime, her parents add in another kid. . . for a while that baby sleeps on one side of her mama while she maintains her roost in the middle, like she always has. . . then that baby sister gets bigger and that baby sister can't seem to get off to sleep ALL the way at night until her mama moves her over to touch her sister. . . and some mornings they wake up all twisted up on one another, or making a "V" and touching feet. . . that little sister, she wakes a thousand times in the night to nurse for a few years. . .yes, years. . .but she is growing up now too, nearly 3, and her patterns are changing as well.
One thing is for sure, whether sunshine or moonshine, those little girls know that they are comfy and cozy and surrounded with love, even as they sleep. . .even if they could probably sleep in their own spaces. . .their parents are freezing in the winter and really need some small heater bodies to keep them warm :)
I do want to note that neither my husband nor I, were raised in a "family bed" situation. I believe I was in a separate room around the time I was 6 months old, but was sleeping through the night by that point. My parents assure me that they never left me to cry in the night time, they tended to me and held me when I needed them. During my upbringing, or at least my very early years, I remember being afraid of the dark and "seeing" things in the dark, but I also remember a couple of distinct times (when the chair on my desk looked like a witch) when my parents tended to me during those time when I'd call out in fear in the middle of the night. . . checking under the bed for boogie monsters, turning on lights to expose the truths behind the witches in the dark. Up until about the age of six, when my parents split up, I remember that my parents' bedroom was an inviting place, a place where everyone crawled into bed on Saturday mornings. . .it's a good thing they didn't have me sleep with them, they had a water bed. . .but what fun that thing was when it wasn't sleeping time :) And my dad was a light sleeper who checked on me with every turn in bed or cough in the night, when we went to stay with him. . .loud snorer, light sleeper :) I never felt insecure in the night time, or like I couldn't call on my parents in my moments of need and fear. We just happen to be very comfy and cozy in our bed for four and don't mind it one bit. . .
I'd also like to dispel the myths of co-sleeping. Before I was one, a co-sleeper that is, I thought that people let their kids sleep in their bed because they weren't disciplined, because they weren't tough (love) enough, because they were avoiding an intimate relationship with their spouse. I wondered how these people could also make more babies. . . but I realize now that it's no one else's business what you do in (or out of) your bed. A friend once said "I don't ask you what you do in your bed, why are you asking what I do in mine?" In response to someone questioning her co-sleeping practices. I understand now that co-sleeping actually keeps us all closer as a family, that even after a hard day with one another, we can cuddle up and the last thing my children know is that their mama whispered "I Love you" and held them until they drifted off.
Writing these posts brings back so many memories of those early moments of motherhood. I remember another friend asking me, who also had a relatively new baby (four months older than mine) if I was "still" rocking Alani to sleep at night, if I thought that rocking a child to sleep would make them dependent on being rocked in order to get off to sleep. . . my response was that I didn't care. And you know what? Six years later, I am still patting that same little girl as she drifts off to sleep at night, singing her lullabies sometimes too. . . when she is sixty years old, her mother will have held her at night for ten percent of her life. . .is that too long? Is any amount of time too long to love our children for as many hours of the day as possible, or to make up for a few of those hours when you were beside yourself because your kids were driving you bonkers? I also really cherish the middle of the night sleep giggles or funny things that are said out loud. . .I would be giving up enjoying so many moments of my children if I didn't have those eight extra hours with them at night :)
________________________________________________________________________________ Night Time parenting is a big part of breastfeeding, especially in the early months (and continuing for years sometimes). What does sleep look like in your family? Did you have a similar sleeping arrangement with your own parents? What were your feelings surrounding safety and security at night while growing up? Were there people in your life who encouraged you to choose your sleeping arrangement?
Night Time parenting? What's that? I hadn't heard of such a thing. . . My plan was perfect and water tight. Nurse this baby until six months old, then she'd move out and get her own apartment, right?! I had intended to nurse my first daughter until the age of six months, and then "supplements" which in my mind, read "formula." This is the way I'd learned it and this was the way it should go. And never nurse a baby to sleep, because then she would associate eating with falling asleep. . .agreed? Agreed! And then said child ONLY falls asleep while nursing
So, back in with you she goes, until she can get her ducks in a row and totally master that whole "grasping things" thing that she's trying to work out in her mind and body at 2 months old. . . when the dust has cleared, back over in the cradle for . . . you know, another two weeks until she repeats it all over again and and again and again! And as that baby grows fat on her mama's milk, that mama realizes she doesn't feel ready to stop the nursing, nor does she feel ready to move that baby to another room. . .because that mama is about nine THOUSAND percent sure that there's no way this baby girl will go from her current night time waking schedule to sleeping straight through night after night, overnight. . .and this mama is about a MILLION percent sure that she is in NO way desiring to have to traverse hallways to get to that baby who is now only living two feet away in the night. . .
Then this little family makes a move over a big ocean, from a tropical home to a freezing mid-December, high desert waist land home. . . and that little baby, she willingly sleeps in a portable crib for several of her naps and even night times, when the bed is too high off the ground and too small for all three of them. . .but when she sleeps the first night in her freezing new home, there's no WAY that kids gonna let you lower her down into a space where she has to sleep separate from her mommy and daddy. . .and so she moves back in. . .and she stays. . . for FIVE AND A HALF MORE YEARS. . .and counting. There are years, yes, years, where she nurses a couple of times in the night, and EVERY an ANY time her mama wakes to pee, she wakes to nurse too.
Then her mama's belly grows and the milk slowly goes and she stops waking for ANYTHING in the middle of the night. Her daddy gets a job where he wakes at 1am, and her mama is a night owl, so she just stays up and the girls head to bed when the papa wakes his sleepy head. In the meantime, her parents add in another kid. . . for a while that baby sleeps on one side of her mama while she maintains her roost in the middle, like she always has. . . then that baby sister gets bigger and that baby sister can't seem to get off to sleep ALL the way at night until her mama moves her over to touch her sister. . . and some mornings they wake up all twisted up on one another, or making a "V" and touching feet. . . that little sister, she wakes a thousand times in the night to nurse for a few years. . .yes, years. . .but she is growing up now too, nearly 3, and her patterns are changing as well.
I'd also like to dispel the myths of co-sleeping. Before I was one, a co-sleeper that is, I thought that people let their kids sleep in their bed because they weren't disciplined, because they weren't tough (love) enough, because they were avoiding an intimate relationship with their spouse. I wondered how these people could also make more babies. . . but I realize now that it's no one else's business what you do in (or out of) your bed. A friend once said "I don't ask you what you do in your bed, why are you asking what I do in mine?" In response to someone questioning her co-sleeping practices. I understand now that co-sleeping actually keeps us all closer as a family, that even after a hard day with one another, we can cuddle up and the last thing my children know is that their mama whispered "I Love you" and held them until they drifted off.
Writing these posts brings back so many memories of those early moments of motherhood. I remember another friend asking me, who also had a relatively new baby (four months older than mine) if I was "still" rocking Alani to sleep at night, if I thought that rocking a child to sleep would make them dependent on being rocked in order to get off to sleep. . . my response was that I didn't care. And you know what? Six years later, I am still patting that same little girl as she drifts off to sleep at night, singing her lullabies sometimes too. . . when she is sixty years old, her mother will have held her at night for ten percent of her life. . .is that too long? Is any amount of time too long to love our children for as many hours of the day as possible, or to make up for a few of those hours when you were beside yourself because your kids were driving you bonkers? I also really cherish the middle of the night sleep giggles or funny things that are said out loud. . .I would be giving up enjoying so many moments of my children if I didn't have those eight extra hours with them at night :)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Baby Wearing Journey
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about baby wearing. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st! ________________________________________________________________________________ Babywearing is common in many parts of the world and has been for centuries. Do you wear your baby? Why? Have you found it has an effect on your breastfeeding relationship? Did someone else suggest you wear your baby? Did you observe babywearing before becoming a mother? Did your mother or grandmother ever practice baby wearing? I started wearing my baby around the age of 3 weeks. I'd actually tried a sling immediately after she was born, which she was NOT a fan of, and I kind of gave up on that right away. I didn't know at the time that a bjorn was not an appropriate carrying device for a baby under the age of 6 months. . .however, I am still ever so grateful that I valued this practice of baby wearing so early on. My baby wanted to be close to me and I wanted to be close to her. We could discretely nurse and I loved that it was simple. I could keep her from touchy hands. . .everyone in her native country has touchy hands. . .they love to sniff babies' heads, kiss their feet and hands, and aren't necessarily particularly good about keeping themselves away, even from babies, when they are ill. I remember once, a man whom we had developed a relationship with, but whom I still felt leery of, coming up and sniffing my baby's head when she was a few weeks old, the first time he met her. I thought to myself (and out loud to my husband) . . .where else would it be appropriate to come so close to a woman's chest and sniff? But apparently the baby was the tiny buffer :)
I liked wearing my daughter because it meant less stuff to put in and out of a car (like a stroller). Mike even tried it once or twice, but it killed his back. . .some things only a mother can bare:)
When we lived in Fiji, we would take a taxi on Sunday mornings, for church, that was the only driving we did. Due the nature of the situation, obviously, we'd have to carry her carseat in to church with us. . .sometimes she would fall asleep and I'd think I'd have a few minutes without holding her. . .but she would always wake, very upset, after maybe a minute TWO on a good day! Others thought it was so strange that I would leave her in there, even for a few minutes. . .honestly, it kept her from being passed around, at least for those very few moments. But in this culture, you held your baby. . .ALWAYS. You nursed your baby, slept with your baby, held your baby. . .you didn't put babies away in a bucket and set them at the side of the room. Children are cherished in the Fijian culture, and it is so apparent. Though I felt resistant at times to those "backwards" ways, I am so grateful now that there were social pressures to take my baby out of her carseat directly! That people questioned any separation I might think to have with my little one, and encouraged togetherness, holding, loving, nursing. I even had older women tell me later that I taught them things about babies and motherhood. In Fiji they believe a baby's spine too weak until about the age of 10 months, they couldn't believe I was putting my baby in a sitting position at the age of 3 or 4 months. But they taught ME so many things about motherhood as well, things that I ended up clinging to when I returned to the US and was a mother for the first time here. And I am a better mother for those moments.
Back to our story. . .sometimes we would push our daughter along in her stroller/carseat combo when we'd go for walks, but many times we'd wear her. Wearing hurt my back, but I found it to be worth the closeness. . .how sleepy and peaceful she was after lying next to my heart all day as we plodded along. I used that bjorn until she was well over a year. I'd ordered a Mei Tai through a woman on ebay when she was 9 months, and through a series of strange events, the item didn't arrive until she was TWENTY THREE months old. . .in the meantime I'd tried a few "five yards of fabric" moby style wraps. The Mei Tai went with us on a trip and was totally awesome. By this point my daughter no longer had use for things like a high chair or stroller. We visited a friend in Oklahoma and all of the mothers/nannies had strollers for the kids they were with. I knew my daughter would want one, but there was no way she would sit in it, and of course, we ended up trudging through the zoo fighting over my daughter's wayward but insistently independent steering of the stroller. The Mei Tai has saved my life in about a thousand and one airports and other crowded public situations.
Some of my favorite baby wearing moments, or at least moments when I was most thankful for baby wearing (TODDLER wearing, more like) were when I was pregnant with my second daughter. Two distinct moments I remember, a clingy, whiny toddler who wanted her busy and pregnant mama's attention. . .a couple of days of purposeful toddler time provided the closeness and comfort she needed to feel secure and safe again, the whining ceased (at least for the time being. .. is there a cure for whining ALTOGETHER?!). And the second time was when we came home from my in-laws house in IN. My daughter got sick on the way to the airport (a 2 hour drive). I wore her over my pregnant belly, in a moby style wrap, through the airport, then sat in the next airport for SIX hours with a feverish and sick little girl tied to me. I was so thankful for knowing about baby wearing and practicing it, at those times, because again, it provided the comfort she needed in the moment. . .and STILL the ability to discretely nurse a very sick, nearly 3 year old while we waited in the airport for endless hours.
When my second one came along, a friend made me a Mei Tai, which was perfect for a newborn. I loved wearing her close, especially in the winter time. Christmas shopping with my four month old was a BREEZE, she would nurse when she wanted and sleep when she wanted. I remember blogging on our family blog about how my four month old had a napless day because I was busy preparing for a group of friends to come for the evening near Christmas, and I was so thankful when we finally went out to the store for some errands because I stuck her in the mei tai, nursed her the whole time I was shopping, and she even got some napping in too, while we also got snuggling and closeness. . . no buckets for us.
These days my little one is resistant to being carried. . . she's nearly 3.
It's hard on a mom when two kids are running in two directions in the store or want to be carried home from the park, but not be worn. . .
my six year old still requests wearing once in a while. Baby wearing has shaped our lives and I hope that my children carry on the practice with the own babies.
Back to our story. . .sometimes we would push our daughter along in her stroller/carseat combo when we'd go for walks, but many times we'd wear her. Wearing hurt my back, but I found it to be worth the closeness. . .how sleepy and peaceful she was after lying next to my heart all day as we plodded along. I used that bjorn until she was well over a year. I'd ordered a Mei Tai through a woman on ebay when she was 9 months, and through a series of strange events, the item didn't arrive until she was TWENTY THREE months old. . .in the meantime I'd tried a few "five yards of fabric" moby style wraps. The Mei Tai went with us on a trip and was totally awesome. By this point my daughter no longer had use for things like a high chair or stroller. We visited a friend in Oklahoma and all of the mothers/nannies had strollers for the kids they were with. I knew my daughter would want one, but there was no way she would sit in it, and of course, we ended up trudging through the zoo fighting over my daughter's wayward but insistently independent steering of the stroller. The Mei Tai has saved my life in about a thousand and one airports and other crowded public situations.
When my second one came along, a friend made me a Mei Tai, which was perfect for a newborn. I loved wearing her close, especially in the winter time. Christmas shopping with my four month old was a BREEZE, she would nurse when she wanted and sleep when she wanted. I remember blogging on our family blog about how my four month old had a napless day because I was busy preparing for a group of friends to come for the evening near Christmas, and I was so thankful when we finally went out to the store for some errands because I stuck her in the mei tai, nursed her the whole time I was shopping, and she even got some napping in too, while we also got snuggling and closeness. . . no buckets for us.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Wordless Wednesday-Nursing Photos
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is a collection of personal nursing photos. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
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5 days old
nearly 2
just over 2
just over 3
Today (in about 6 hours) her baby sister will be born
6 hours later. . . . here she is
nearly 1
nearly 2
nearly 3
________________________________________________________________________________ First nursing
Monday, July 16, 2012
First Nursing In Public Experience
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Nursing in Public. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at for today's guest blogger on the Breastfeeding Cafe site The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
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What was your first nursing in public experience? How did this shape your view of breastfeeding and your breastfeeding relationship with your child? Did your mother or grandmother have the same types of experiences?
I scarce remember my first nursing in public. . . what does one consider public? I nursed in front of my parents when my daughter was hours old. I don't think anyone in my family wondered if nursing was the thing that would happen. There was no question, no concern, no condemnation, not any praise either. . .it just WAS (the real questioning came in to play when it became a matter of how LONG would I breastfeed).
I nursed in front of friends who came to visit and see my new baby, in front of my in-laws too, and for them this was not the way they'd raised their babies, but we'd lived with my husband's parents for 8 weeks while I was pregnant and I'd discussed such things with my mother-in-law. In fact, it was interesting to live with her during that time and for her to have opportunity to share her own pregnancy and birth stories with me. . .when a new little life is on its way, doors of healing or talking are opened to those around.
I lived in a culture where nursing was completely accepted. Where my husband walked home one day and say an older toddler standing and nursing, while his mother sat on the sea wall. . .that shocked him a bit, news of it shocked me a bit. . .we knew we'd NEVER do that. . .toddler nursing was only on my radar because we'd watched a Desparate Housewives episode once, where a woman was nursing a toddler and others tried to "help" wean him by giving him chocolate milk. It was funny on the show, it was shocking in person:)
When my daughter was 7 days old, we walked her into town, in her little stroller/carseat combo, proudly heading off to show her to the hotel staff, where my parents had stayed for a week prior to her arrival, where everyone knew that we were awaiting a baby, as I waddled in and hung out in the pool every day with my ginormous belly. . .as we headed home, she got hungry. I was ill prepared. As we passed the park which marked the beginning of the final stretch to our house, I happened upon a friend with several other female friends, and they ogled over my baby, then they offered to let me stop, sit with them and nurse her. . .I declined the offer. WHY? I don't know. . .I had a seven day old baby, who was hungry and crying and we lived in a hot, humid country, we had a walk ahead of us and I just wanted to get there, let myself hang out (literally), I knew there would be leaking and gulping.
After another 1/2 mile or more, when we finally reached home, mom having carried baby the entire way and dad pushing the beautiful and senseless stroller, realizing that a 7lb baby can feel like a ton of bricks after carrying her for a 1/2 mile, I questioned my sensibilities. . .I wished the opportunity had been given again, with a bolder mother who sat and nursed amongst other beautiful women. . . but that was not to be my first nursing in public experience.
Another few weeks and we would go to church with her, where I would sit out on the front porch to nurse her. . .mostly because it was still clumsy. But just three or four weeks in, when I began wearing her everywhere, I felt so very sneaky being able to nurse that little monkey everywhere I went. I would nurse her on walks, in the market, in front of friends. . .it was fabulous!
As with my birth story, I believe that living in a culture where breastfeeding was completely normal, where it was viewed and accepted at every turn, nursing in public was not even a part of my thought process. I didn't realize nursing in public was such a hot topic, until much later. Nursing in Public was mostly about my own hang-ups. It was about later feeling self conscious in front of family members (the one year mark) or in public (by 15 months) but then finding myself as a mother and throwing caution to the wind, probably being more bold about nursing an 18 month old, then I was about nursing a 15 month old, in public. And it was about finding the right attire! I'm not sure why a two tank top or use of belly bands system didn't come into play until my second daughter came along. . .
I remember fondly being at an LLL meeting and my (not then) best friend, Renee, saying "I don't care if people see my boobs, it's my stretched out stomach I don't want them to see." I realized then that it was similar for me. . .I wasn't showing anything more while nursing than I was in an average shirt most days, but I didn't like having to lift my shirt and show off my stomach :) So the second time around, a second tank top or belly band worked wonders. . .as did three years of experience!
I will always be thankful to the women I was around, purposely, or just because of my geography, when my first daughter was born, which made me completely oblivious to the whole concept that breastfeeding was something that should be hidden. I want my daughters to be confident women with healthy self images and I believe that being willing to nurse them at the times when they needed to nurse, despite WHERE that was, has helped to support those values.
As you'll read in a later post, my mother says that she had other breastfeeding friends, they mostly hung out in one another's homes, but no one ever really made her feel uncomfortable about nursing her babies because "everyone was doing it."
________________________________________________________________________________
What was your first nursing in public experience? How did this shape your view of breastfeeding and your breastfeeding relationship with your child? Did your mother or grandmother have the same types of experiences?
I scarce remember my first nursing in public. . . what does one consider public? I nursed in front of my parents when my daughter was hours old. I don't think anyone in my family wondered if nursing was the thing that would happen. There was no question, no concern, no condemnation, not any praise either. . .it just WAS (the real questioning came in to play when it became a matter of how LONG would I breastfeed).
I nursed in front of friends who came to visit and see my new baby, in front of my in-laws too, and for them this was not the way they'd raised their babies, but we'd lived with my husband's parents for 8 weeks while I was pregnant and I'd discussed such things with my mother-in-law. In fact, it was interesting to live with her during that time and for her to have opportunity to share her own pregnancy and birth stories with me. . .when a new little life is on its way, doors of healing or talking are opened to those around.
I lived in a culture where nursing was completely accepted. Where my husband walked home one day and say an older toddler standing and nursing, while his mother sat on the sea wall. . .that shocked him a bit, news of it shocked me a bit. . .we knew we'd NEVER do that. . .toddler nursing was only on my radar because we'd watched a Desparate Housewives episode once, where a woman was nursing a toddler and others tried to "help" wean him by giving him chocolate milk. It was funny on the show, it was shocking in person:)
When my daughter was 7 days old, we walked her into town, in her little stroller/carseat combo, proudly heading off to show her to the hotel staff, where my parents had stayed for a week prior to her arrival, where everyone knew that we were awaiting a baby, as I waddled in and hung out in the pool every day with my ginormous belly. . .as we headed home, she got hungry. I was ill prepared. As we passed the park which marked the beginning of the final stretch to our house, I happened upon a friend with several other female friends, and they ogled over my baby, then they offered to let me stop, sit with them and nurse her. . .I declined the offer. WHY? I don't know. . .I had a seven day old baby, who was hungry and crying and we lived in a hot, humid country, we had a walk ahead of us and I just wanted to get there, let myself hang out (literally), I knew there would be leaking and gulping.
After another 1/2 mile or more, when we finally reached home, mom having carried baby the entire way and dad pushing the beautiful and senseless stroller, realizing that a 7lb baby can feel like a ton of bricks after carrying her for a 1/2 mile, I questioned my sensibilities. . .I wished the opportunity had been given again, with a bolder mother who sat and nursed amongst other beautiful women. . . but that was not to be my first nursing in public experience.
Another few weeks and we would go to church with her, where I would sit out on the front porch to nurse her. . .mostly because it was still clumsy. But just three or four weeks in, when I began wearing her everywhere, I felt so very sneaky being able to nurse that little monkey everywhere I went. I would nurse her on walks, in the market, in front of friends. . .it was fabulous!
As with my birth story, I believe that living in a culture where breastfeeding was completely normal, where it was viewed and accepted at every turn, nursing in public was not even a part of my thought process. I didn't realize nursing in public was such a hot topic, until much later. Nursing in Public was mostly about my own hang-ups. It was about later feeling self conscious in front of family members (the one year mark) or in public (by 15 months) but then finding myself as a mother and throwing caution to the wind, probably being more bold about nursing an 18 month old, then I was about nursing a 15 month old, in public. And it was about finding the right attire! I'm not sure why a two tank top or use of belly bands system didn't come into play until my second daughter came along. . .
I remember fondly being at an LLL meeting and my (not then) best friend, Renee, saying "I don't care if people see my boobs, it's my stretched out stomach I don't want them to see." I realized then that it was similar for me. . .I wasn't showing anything more while nursing than I was in an average shirt most days, but I didn't like having to lift my shirt and show off my stomach :) So the second time around, a second tank top or belly band worked wonders. . .as did three years of experience!
I will always be thankful to the women I was around, purposely, or just because of my geography, when my first daughter was born, which made me completely oblivious to the whole concept that breastfeeding was something that should be hidden. I want my daughters to be confident women with healthy self images and I believe that being willing to nurse them at the times when they needed to nurse, despite WHERE that was, has helped to support those values.
As you'll read in a later post, my mother says that she had other breastfeeding friends, they mostly hung out in one another's homes, but no one ever really made her feel uncomfortable about nursing her babies because "everyone was doing it."
Sunday, July 15, 2012
The Birth of A Mother
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go here. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about How Birth effects Breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section here. The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!
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Today I am the guest poster over on the Breastfeeding Cafe site, but I wanted to put my story here again, as well. . .
I've decided not to rewrite, this is the post I've shared the past two years, it remains my birth story and it continues to be the birth of me:
The birth of a first child is in essence, the birth of a mother. We have hopes and dreams for our babies, we think we know exactly what kind of mothers we will be and what kind of birth we will have. . . . but until you have experienced birth, until you have been BORN as a mother, it is almost impossible to envision the birth experience you really desire. Second babies have it easy :)
Bare with me as I share some of the details of the birth of my first daughter. They are so important to me and to the prompt because as I mentioned in my previous post, my first daughter was not born in the US. My experience, therefore, with regards to labor, birth and breastfeeding are vastly different from the stories of sterile hospital births I hear about in the US.
Before I was ever pregnant with her, I had intention to birth in a birth center 40 minutes away from my home. I wanted a water birth. However, just weeks prior to becoming pregnant, my husband and I made a decision to move out of the country and gave ourselves a "pregnancy deadline" which would eventually determine her country of birth. Things didn't go as planned, and in the end, we landed in this new country only FIVE WEEKS before our little girl was "due." (we should have been there five MONTHS before).
By the time we arrived we'd seen 7 female doctors/midwifes for prenatal care due to our moving around while waiting on visas. Five weeks gave us very little time to interview doctors and research birth options once we finally arrived. In fact, I'd lived in this country once before and was close friends with a Doula (when I was 19 and husbandless and had NO idea what a doula was, what she did or why she might EVER be important or necessary). And from that experience I knew that an out of hospital birth (though it likely happened all the time among the local people) was not a likely option unless I knew someone who knew someone who was either in the country visiting at the time (a doula, a midwife, etc) or had a relative who happened to have a birth pool and attended births. Unfortunately, I didn't have the kind of time on my side to be able to figure all of that out. The best I had worked out was that a mutual friend put me in contact with another American woman who had given birth to 3 of her 4 children in this country and through her I was able to find someone who fit my ONLY requirement. . . a female doctor! Not a female doctor she'd had experience with, as her own ob/gyn had since retired, but a female ob/gyn nonetheless.
I am SO thankful that the individual who attended to me when I gave birth to my first daughter, was a woman! It's not common, even in the US, let alone a developing country to have a female ob/gyn attending a birth, but I was fortunate that this one request was filled. My beautiful Dr. Litiana Browne, was a confident 60-something year old Fijian woman.
My husband and I had agreed (ahead of time)to some medications during my labor, as well as requesting an induction so that my family, who had traveled 3000 miles to be there for the birth of this first grandchild/niece, would not have to leave without having met our little girl. Had I known what I now know, I would have made different choices. . . but when you know better, you do better and it was, in essence, the birth we chose and planned with the knowledge and information we had (or chose to have). Fortunately, none of this seemed to have had adverse affect on the outcome of her birth or our first nursing experience. My birth as a mother was NOTHING like the stories I hear of here in the States. . . .I was induced by a doctor who did not endorse epidurals and actually said to me "How can you be in control of your labor if everyone is standing over you looking down at you?," (to be clear, I was NEVER interested in one) a woman who (in her 60s) had very few times found need to perform a cesarean. She slept at the hospital all night, waiting on me to have my baby (I was the only woman giving birth in that hospital that night).
When I said I needed to push, the nurse did not ask me to wait, she asked to check how far dialated I was, and allowed me to begin pushing (never telling me my "number"). . .while squatting. . . before the Doctor ever arrived. When the Doctor arrived she checked my progress (while I was squatting) then stood in another part of the room speaking in their native language and laughing quietly (not about me. . . just talking, because birth was NORMAL) while my husband sat in a chair behind me, being my rock, and I stood and squatted, and pushed and felt my baby's head crown before anyone else knew her head was coming. A few details are hazy, after I climbed onto the bed and pushed her out with 2 final pushes. . .a head and her body. . .while on "all fours" and I shouted "Do we have a baby?" Despite what I am about to say with regards to how it is taken for granted that a mother WILL breastfeed, unfortunately, Western birth practices have weaseled their way into all sorts of cultures. My baby's cord was cut, before I even had a chance to turn over and see her, she was whisked just a few feet away onto a warming table, she was wiped up and checked over and it was an hour before I think I actually held her. . . though, it didn't feel that long and I don't remember it being that long, my photos are time stamped so I KNOW it was that long. Part of this was due to my needing stitching. But. . . this was the first time I'd ever had a baby, and I didn't know anything about delayed clamping, I didn't take the "immediate skin to skin" stuff I'd read, to heart, and truthfully, I didn't know if I should be responsible for holding a newborn baby while being stitched up.
I had some tearing, but this culture is not interested in numbers, and so my doctor stitched me without telling me "the degree" of tearing and within the first hour I was able to try to nurse my baby for the first time. After my family came to see her and oogle over her and then left (because they had actually been awake the ENTIRE time I had been awake 8am to 6am at this point) I was able to nurse her again. A nurse-midwife (all the nurses were nurse-midwifes) came to check on us, I said "Am I doing this right?" She said "you have a bit of a flat nipple" perked it up for me (a little odd, but seriously, all pretense is gone after giving birth) and that was that. . . my baby latched and nursed happily. . . for the next few years!!!
In part I believe this is because there is a big push in this particular country to return to breastfeeding. Like many foreign countries, when the US says something is good, others follow. . . . many years later. . . .Formula became the norm for many years, however, in the 10 years prior to the birth of my daughter, education (for nurses) on the importance and superiority of breastfeeding over formula and a push to encourage mothers to breastfeed, had become normal practice (again) in the hospitals. There was no question as to whether I would breastfeed my baby. No one offered me a bottle, or was concerned about whether she was eating.
They waited 4 hours to weigh her for the first time. I didn't have to request she not be given a pacifier or formula. I didn't have to request to room in with her. . . in fact, my husband held our daughter while I was being tended to and when I fell asleep after holding and nursing her for a bit, he held her for two more hours, my husband held my baby because a bassinet just "couldn't be located" (there were TWO birthing rooms in this hospital, across the hall from one another. . . the "overnight" rooms were not just for moms, they were for people recovering from surgery and illness too. . .AND. . . I was the only person giving birth in the hospital that night. . . there was ONE other baby in the nursery. . .where could all the bassinets have run off to?). So, until my husband was falling asleep, sitting up in a chair, with our newborn infant in his arms, no one helped him, not even a little. 3 hours after her birth, they brought a bassinet and took her to the nursery (one room away) and 15 minutes later I woke up (I guess even after being awake 24 hours straight and giving birth, when a new baby is taken from the presence of a new mom who is dead asleep. . .she knows it!). We immediately went to the nursery, I needed to gawk at that baby some more, and then they bathed and weighed her and she never left my presence again until we checked out (except for 10 minutes for vaccinations). When I hear about hospital experiences here in the US, I am actually appalled. The sterility, the push for formula, the worry over glucose levels, the shots, the eye goop. . . . (and that's just AFTER baby comes. . . I am even MORE appalled at all the "red tape" moms go through while in labor, all the encouragements to USE MORE INTERVENTIONS).
My second daughter was born in the US, in a water birth, in a birth center, without complication. She latched and nursed within the first half hour as we lay in bed together, we never left one another. Her story is simple, though it became complicated from day 3-14, but that is for another post. My first daughter took 15 hours to make her way, technically, my second daughter took 5 days :)
So. . . in a culture that assumes every woman can and will breastfeed. . . there was no question, there was no option. . .there was just me. . . a newly born mother. . . and her. . . a newly born baby. . . and we were breastfeeding. . .and we were at the beginning of a beautiful journey that I never could have imagined. And I was born. . .
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Today I am the guest poster over on the Breastfeeding Cafe site, but I wanted to put my story here again, as well. . .
I've decided not to rewrite, this is the post I've shared the past two years, it remains my birth story and it continues to be the birth of me:
The birth of a first child is in essence, the birth of a mother. We have hopes and dreams for our babies, we think we know exactly what kind of mothers we will be and what kind of birth we will have. . . . but until you have experienced birth, until you have been BORN as a mother, it is almost impossible to envision the birth experience you really desire. Second babies have it easy :)
Bare with me as I share some of the details of the birth of my first daughter. They are so important to me and to the prompt because as I mentioned in my previous post, my first daughter was not born in the US. My experience, therefore, with regards to labor, birth and breastfeeding are vastly different from the stories of sterile hospital births I hear about in the US.
Before I was ever pregnant with her, I had intention to birth in a birth center 40 minutes away from my home. I wanted a water birth. However, just weeks prior to becoming pregnant, my husband and I made a decision to move out of the country and gave ourselves a "pregnancy deadline" which would eventually determine her country of birth. Things didn't go as planned, and in the end, we landed in this new country only FIVE WEEKS before our little girl was "due." (we should have been there five MONTHS before).
By the time we arrived we'd seen 7 female doctors/midwifes for prenatal care due to our moving around while waiting on visas. Five weeks gave us very little time to interview doctors and research birth options once we finally arrived. In fact, I'd lived in this country once before and was close friends with a Doula (when I was 19 and husbandless and had NO idea what a doula was, what she did or why she might EVER be important or necessary). And from that experience I knew that an out of hospital birth (though it likely happened all the time among the local people) was not a likely option unless I knew someone who knew someone who was either in the country visiting at the time (a doula, a midwife, etc) or had a relative who happened to have a birth pool and attended births. Unfortunately, I didn't have the kind of time on my side to be able to figure all of that out. The best I had worked out was that a mutual friend put me in contact with another American woman who had given birth to 3 of her 4 children in this country and through her I was able to find someone who fit my ONLY requirement. . . a female doctor! Not a female doctor she'd had experience with, as her own ob/gyn had since retired, but a female ob/gyn nonetheless.
I am SO thankful that the individual who attended to me when I gave birth to my first daughter, was a woman! It's not common, even in the US, let alone a developing country to have a female ob/gyn attending a birth, but I was fortunate that this one request was filled. My beautiful Dr. Litiana Browne, was a confident 60-something year old Fijian woman.
My husband and I had agreed (ahead of time)to some medications during my labor, as well as requesting an induction so that my family, who had traveled 3000 miles to be there for the birth of this first grandchild/niece, would not have to leave without having met our little girl. Had I known what I now know, I would have made different choices. . . but when you know better, you do better and it was, in essence, the birth we chose and planned with the knowledge and information we had (or chose to have). Fortunately, none of this seemed to have had adverse affect on the outcome of her birth or our first nursing experience. My birth as a mother was NOTHING like the stories I hear of here in the States. . . .I was induced by a doctor who did not endorse epidurals and actually said to me "How can you be in control of your labor if everyone is standing over you looking down at you?," (to be clear, I was NEVER interested in one) a woman who (in her 60s) had very few times found need to perform a cesarean. She slept at the hospital all night, waiting on me to have my baby (I was the only woman giving birth in that hospital that night).
When I said I needed to push, the nurse did not ask me to wait, she asked to check how far dialated I was, and allowed me to begin pushing (never telling me my "number"). . .while squatting. . . before the Doctor ever arrived. When the Doctor arrived she checked my progress (while I was squatting) then stood in another part of the room speaking in their native language and laughing quietly (not about me. . . just talking, because birth was NORMAL) while my husband sat in a chair behind me, being my rock, and I stood and squatted, and pushed and felt my baby's head crown before anyone else knew her head was coming. A few details are hazy, after I climbed onto the bed and pushed her out with 2 final pushes. . .a head and her body. . .while on "all fours" and I shouted "Do we have a baby?" Despite what I am about to say with regards to how it is taken for granted that a mother WILL breastfeed, unfortunately, Western birth practices have weaseled their way into all sorts of cultures. My baby's cord was cut, before I even had a chance to turn over and see her, she was whisked just a few feet away onto a warming table, she was wiped up and checked over and it was an hour before I think I actually held her. . . though, it didn't feel that long and I don't remember it being that long, my photos are time stamped so I KNOW it was that long. Part of this was due to my needing stitching. But. . . this was the first time I'd ever had a baby, and I didn't know anything about delayed clamping, I didn't take the "immediate skin to skin" stuff I'd read, to heart, and truthfully, I didn't know if I should be responsible for holding a newborn baby while being stitched up.I had some tearing, but this culture is not interested in numbers, and so my doctor stitched me without telling me "the degree" of tearing and within the first hour I was able to try to nurse my baby for the first time. After my family came to see her and oogle over her and then left (because they had actually been awake the ENTIRE time I had been awake 8am to 6am at this point) I was able to nurse her again. A nurse-midwife (all the nurses were nurse-midwifes) came to check on us, I said "Am I doing this right?" She said "you have a bit of a flat nipple" perked it up for me (a little odd, but seriously, all pretense is gone after giving birth) and that was that. . . my baby latched and nursed happily. . . for the next few years!!!
In part I believe this is because there is a big push in this particular country to return to breastfeeding. Like many foreign countries, when the US says something is good, others follow. . . . many years later. . . .Formula became the norm for many years, however, in the 10 years prior to the birth of my daughter, education (for nurses) on the importance and superiority of breastfeeding over formula and a push to encourage mothers to breastfeed, had become normal practice (again) in the hospitals. There was no question as to whether I would breastfeed my baby. No one offered me a bottle, or was concerned about whether she was eating.They waited 4 hours to weigh her for the first time. I didn't have to request she not be given a pacifier or formula. I didn't have to request to room in with her. . . in fact, my husband held our daughter while I was being tended to and when I fell asleep after holding and nursing her for a bit, he held her for two more hours, my husband held my baby because a bassinet just "couldn't be located" (there were TWO birthing rooms in this hospital, across the hall from one another. . . the "overnight" rooms were not just for moms, they were for people recovering from surgery and illness too. . .AND. . . I was the only person giving birth in the hospital that night. . . there was ONE other baby in the nursery. . .where could all the bassinets have run off to?). So, until my husband was falling asleep, sitting up in a chair, with our newborn infant in his arms, no one helped him, not even a little. 3 hours after her birth, they brought a bassinet and took her to the nursery (one room away) and 15 minutes later I woke up (I guess even after being awake 24 hours straight and giving birth, when a new baby is taken from the presence of a new mom who is dead asleep. . .she knows it!). We immediately went to the nursery, I needed to gawk at that baby some more, and then they bathed and weighed her and she never left my presence again until we checked out (except for 10 minutes for vaccinations). When I hear about hospital experiences here in the US, I am actually appalled. The sterility, the push for formula, the worry over glucose levels, the shots, the eye goop. . . . (and that's just AFTER baby comes. . . I am even MORE appalled at all the "red tape" moms go through while in labor, all the encouragements to USE MORE INTERVENTIONS).
My second daughter was born in the US, in a water birth, in a birth center, without complication. She latched and nursed within the first half hour as we lay in bed together, we never left one another. Her story is simple, though it became complicated from day 3-14, but that is for another post. My first daughter took 15 hours to make her way, technically, my second daughter took 5 days :)
So. . . in a culture that assumes every woman can and will breastfeed. . . there was no question, there was no option. . .there was just me. . . a newly born mother. . . and her. . . a newly born baby. . . and we were breastfeeding. . .and we were at the beginning of a beautiful journey that I never could have imagined. And I was born. . .
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Breastfeeding Cafe Blog Carnival 2012
This year's blog carnival will be handled in this manner: We are seeking 16 GUEST bloggers for the main site each day a post will be on the Breastfeeding Cafe site, and if you would also like to post on this topic you can post a link to your blog in the comments section of said post.
Please add this at the top of your post:
"This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about _____________. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!"
Blog Carnival Topics:
There are many customs around the world that bond mother and child, none so much as the bond of breastfeeding. In all ages past, breastfeeding has been the norm and we can look to points in history when things changed, even seeing WHY there has been a shift away from breastfeeding, which was never the initial intent. This year's Breastfeeding Cafe theme is “Breastfeeding Time Machine: Age Old Wisdom to feed the future.” We can look to many other cultures and our own, to see the effects of this age old wisdom, and a return to “how things once were.” Our topics will be focused on this theme as it relates to our culture, other cultures around the world with regards to birth practices, baby wearing, nursing in public, weaning ages/stories, our own experience as breastfed (or not) infants/children, what we've learned from mothers before us, what we are teaching those we influence in our lives, how our own wisdom through nursing has changed from one child to the next, how night time parenting effects breastfeeding, and how breastfeeding has helped you to make choices about your family's values surrounding parenting, which could even include decisions about work, school, nutrition, etc. Thank you for participating! I would also LOVE to see some of us talking to our own mothers/grandmothers, older women around us, to get perspective on this “age old wisdom.”
(If you are choosing a topic as a guest blogger, please note * are already taken)
July 16th: Share your birth experience and how you feel it shaped your first breastfeeding experience, or experiences with each child. Talk with your mother or grandmother, and hear other birth stories (share them too). *
July 17th: What was your first nursing in public experience? How did this shape your view of breastfeeding and your breastfeeding relationship with your child? Did your mother or grandmother have the same types of experiences? *
July 18th: Wordless Wednesday Nursing Photos PLEASE be sure to include photos of your grandmothers or mothers nursing, if you have them! *
July 19th: Babywearing is common in many parts of the world and has been for centuries. Do you wear your baby? Why? Have you found it has an effect on your breastfeeding relationship? Did someone else suggest you wear your baby? Did you observe babywearing before becoming a mother? Did your mother or grandmother ever practice baby wearing? *
July 20th: Night Time parenting is a big part of breastfeeding, especially in the early months (and continuing for years sometimes). What does sleep look like in your family? Did you have a similar sleeping arrangement with your own parents? What were your feelings surrounding safety and security at night while growing up? Were there people in your life who encouraged you to choose your sleeping arrangement? *
July 21st: Weaning is such a personal choice for each family. In many cultures around the world, children are allowed to choose the time of their weaning, which can be up to 7 or 8 years old. Did you nurse into toddler or childhood yourself? If weaning has or is taking place with your child, what does it look like? Did you expect this? *
July 22nd: Were you breastfed as a child? What about your mother? What obstacles did your mother/grandmother face? What was the public opinions? Family opinion? Factors for not breastfeeding, if this was the case? What was the medical opinion at the time? How long was “normal?” Did your mother or grandmother influence you to breastfeed your own child/ren
July 23rd: Wisdom may be passed down to us from prior generations or just from friends who have already been there. Did you receive any “sage” wisdom from a mother in your life, prior to becoming one yourself? Not all people are so bold as to share their wisdom, what INFLUENCES in your life lead to your decision to breastfeed your child/ren? Was breastfeeding something you saw in your family? What were your feelings about breastfeeding before nursing your own babies? *
July 24th: Male perspective day: Talk with (or ask him as a guest blogger) your partner, your father (or ask your mother what your father thought), or another man who has experience with observing breastfeeding (at close range) and get his perspective on social pressures, wisdom, feelings about breastfeeding before becoming a father, what he's learned, importance of breastfeeding for his family, etc. *
July 25th: Wordless Wednesday Baby Wearing *
July 26th: We all knew EXACTLY what type of mother we'd be before we became one, right? How has becoming a mother changed your views of motherhood? Have you made different decisions about your family values? About duration of your nursing relationship? Your sleeping situation? School? Work? Nutrition? *
July 27th: We all know someone who feels like no one ever “warned” them what life would be like during pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, early weeks of sleeplessness, toddlerhood, etc. What parenting and breastfeeding wisdom have you shared? *
July 28th: Why is breastfeeding Important to YOU and your family?
July 29th: Have you nursed in special circumstances? Did you feel supported or like you were paving your own path? If your circumstance included a lot of medical procedures and staff, did you get interesting, strange or just BAD advice from medical staff? Family members? Or did you have support? Where would you encourage moms to go if they were in a similar situation?
July 30th: If you have more than one child, how have you become wiser :)? How did your first nursing experience shape your thoughts, ideas, plans, views, etc for your future nursing experiences? *
July 31st: Prior Generation Day: interview someone, or ask someone to guest blog on your own blog today, who breastfed a child in a generation prior to yours and share their story (you can change names to protect the innocent). Find out about the medical opinions, cultural opinion, family opinion, social views of the time and especially how THAT mother felt about breastfeeding her baby! *
Please add this at the top of your post:
"This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Blog Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Timbra Wiist landslidephotography {at} hotmail {dot} com. Today's post is about _____________. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed in the comments section at www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com The Carnival runs July 16th through the 31st!"
Blog Carnival Topics:
There are many customs around the world that bond mother and child, none so much as the bond of breastfeeding. In all ages past, breastfeeding has been the norm and we can look to points in history when things changed, even seeing WHY there has been a shift away from breastfeeding, which was never the initial intent. This year's Breastfeeding Cafe theme is “Breastfeeding Time Machine: Age Old Wisdom to feed the future.” We can look to many other cultures and our own, to see the effects of this age old wisdom, and a return to “how things once were.” Our topics will be focused on this theme as it relates to our culture, other cultures around the world with regards to birth practices, baby wearing, nursing in public, weaning ages/stories, our own experience as breastfed (or not) infants/children, what we've learned from mothers before us, what we are teaching those we influence in our lives, how our own wisdom through nursing has changed from one child to the next, how night time parenting effects breastfeeding, and how breastfeeding has helped you to make choices about your family's values surrounding parenting, which could even include decisions about work, school, nutrition, etc. Thank you for participating! I would also LOVE to see some of us talking to our own mothers/grandmothers, older women around us, to get perspective on this “age old wisdom.”
(If you are choosing a topic as a guest blogger, please note * are already taken)
July 16th: Share your birth experience and how you feel it shaped your first breastfeeding experience, or experiences with each child. Talk with your mother or grandmother, and hear other birth stories (share them too). *
July 17th: What was your first nursing in public experience? How did this shape your view of breastfeeding and your breastfeeding relationship with your child? Did your mother or grandmother have the same types of experiences? *
July 18th: Wordless Wednesday Nursing Photos PLEASE be sure to include photos of your grandmothers or mothers nursing, if you have them! *
July 19th: Babywearing is common in many parts of the world and has been for centuries. Do you wear your baby? Why? Have you found it has an effect on your breastfeeding relationship? Did someone else suggest you wear your baby? Did you observe babywearing before becoming a mother? Did your mother or grandmother ever practice baby wearing? *
July 20th: Night Time parenting is a big part of breastfeeding, especially in the early months (and continuing for years sometimes). What does sleep look like in your family? Did you have a similar sleeping arrangement with your own parents? What were your feelings surrounding safety and security at night while growing up? Were there people in your life who encouraged you to choose your sleeping arrangement? *
July 21st: Weaning is such a personal choice for each family. In many cultures around the world, children are allowed to choose the time of their weaning, which can be up to 7 or 8 years old. Did you nurse into toddler or childhood yourself? If weaning has or is taking place with your child, what does it look like? Did you expect this? *
July 22nd: Were you breastfed as a child? What about your mother? What obstacles did your mother/grandmother face? What was the public opinions? Family opinion? Factors for not breastfeeding, if this was the case? What was the medical opinion at the time? How long was “normal?” Did your mother or grandmother influence you to breastfeed your own child/ren
July 23rd: Wisdom may be passed down to us from prior generations or just from friends who have already been there. Did you receive any “sage” wisdom from a mother in your life, prior to becoming one yourself? Not all people are so bold as to share their wisdom, what INFLUENCES in your life lead to your decision to breastfeed your child/ren? Was breastfeeding something you saw in your family? What were your feelings about breastfeeding before nursing your own babies? *
July 24th: Male perspective day: Talk with (or ask him as a guest blogger) your partner, your father (or ask your mother what your father thought), or another man who has experience with observing breastfeeding (at close range) and get his perspective on social pressures, wisdom, feelings about breastfeeding before becoming a father, what he's learned, importance of breastfeeding for his family, etc. *
July 25th: Wordless Wednesday Baby Wearing *
July 26th: We all knew EXACTLY what type of mother we'd be before we became one, right? How has becoming a mother changed your views of motherhood? Have you made different decisions about your family values? About duration of your nursing relationship? Your sleeping situation? School? Work? Nutrition? *
July 27th: We all know someone who feels like no one ever “warned” them what life would be like during pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, early weeks of sleeplessness, toddlerhood, etc. What parenting and breastfeeding wisdom have you shared? *
July 28th: Why is breastfeeding Important to YOU and your family?
July 29th: Have you nursed in special circumstances? Did you feel supported or like you were paving your own path? If your circumstance included a lot of medical procedures and staff, did you get interesting, strange or just BAD advice from medical staff? Family members? Or did you have support? Where would you encourage moms to go if they were in a similar situation?
July 30th: If you have more than one child, how have you become wiser :)? How did your first nursing experience shape your thoughts, ideas, plans, views, etc for your future nursing experiences? *
July 31st: Prior Generation Day: interview someone, or ask someone to guest blog on your own blog today, who breastfed a child in a generation prior to yours and share their story (you can change names to protect the innocent). Find out about the medical opinions, cultural opinion, family opinion, social views of the time and especially how THAT mother felt about breastfeeding her baby! *
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